Well, what can I say, I'm looking for friendship with a woman at the level of conversation, a walk, a good time... the marriage didn't work out that way. Life lacks something—sincerity, passion, what to do, there are no easy questions. A childhood like this, when you know no one loves you, that no one is looking for you, and you constantly feel like you're looking through a shop window, is pathetic. I feel a decade older than I actually am. I know too much—I've seen the worst in people come out when they're most desperate and selfish, and this knowledge makes me cautious. So I'm learning to pretend, smile and nod, to show empathy I don't feel. I'm learning to be inconspicuous, to look like everyone else, even though inside I'm broken. I'm looking for a woman who will write, "Come for coffee, play billiards, and not listen to you about my grandson who's studying and has my eyes." It's not about that. It's about spontaneity.
